


Five Times Tony Stark's Heart Stops

by historymiss



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 21:30:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/historymiss/pseuds/historymiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Afghanistan is the first time Tony's heart stops. But it's not the last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Tony Stark's Heart Stops

It's difficult for Tony to talk about the worst moment in Afghanistan. It's not like he can write down a list, bullet points all in a row setting out the horrors step by step: was it worse when the humvee exploded and the soldier he'd been talking to not two minutes ago died, just like that, like a light being turned off, or when he woke up in a filthy cave with bandages matted to his skin, his heart heavy and strange in his chest? Can you quantify an experience like that, make it become anything other than a lingering set of fears and fever dreams?  
  
He can put his finger on the moment it turned from just the worst experience of his life to a giddy _are-you-kidding-me_ nightmare, though.  
  
It was the moment he turned and looked at the bomb, casing hissing and red-hot in the sand, and saw his own name.  
  
And Tony knew, suddenly and with the kind of perfect clarity his brain usually reserved for weapons details and the schematics of engines, that tomorrow morning some newscaster would look down the barrel of a camera and tell the world that Tony Stark was killed by his own damn weapons. If he hadn't been pissing himself he'd have laughed.  
  
The bomb going off was pretty much an afterthought, compared to that.  
  
\---  
  
You live with a guy for three months, you get to know him pretty well. Yinsen still has the steadiest hands of anyone Tony's ever met (save, perhaps, Steve Rogers, who seems to unassumingly be just the perfect example of everything, no problem, like it isn't irritating the hell out of anybody else). He fought a constant battle to keep his glasses clean, in the cave, and Tony can still remember his slight disappointment when Yinsen asked him for a handkerchief to clean them and Tony admitted that he didn't have one.  
  
Even three years later, Tony can sketch Yinsen's face in his memory. He doesn't always remember him like he wants, to though. Too often Tony recalls that incongruous silhouette, this little guy with a machine gun, of all the things, running and yelling like a goddamn commando. He remembers watching him die, the stupid waste of it, the anger because it could have been avoided if things had just gone _right_.  
  
It's not the first time things don't really go the way Tony wanted, but it's the first time he really cares.  
  
\---  
  
"I hope you realise this isn't just a one time thing." Pepper says, as she slips her shirt off and steps out of her shoes, unzipping her skirt.  
  
"Absolutely." Tony replies, and doesn't trust himself to say any more (because his words have never done him any good, let's face it).  
  
"Good." she unhooks her bra, hurried and businesslike, and it's the most attractive thing Tony has ever seen. "Because I'm not a one time kind of woman."  
  
Tony means to make a joke, here, something about commitment or one time or something clever about Iron Man, but Pepper's here, in bed with him now, and there's no way in hell he's going to screw this up.  
  
Her mouth finds his, and for once in his life Tony Stark doesn't have anything to say.  
  
\---  
  
The first time someone tells him, Tony thinks it's a joke. Captain America? Out of the ice? It's scientifically impossible. There's no way it could ever happen. Put it down to Coulson's wishful thinking and too many late nights saving the world.  
  
He starts believing it after they show him the photographs, the plans of the HYDRA ship and the footage from the recovery team, but the solid fact doesn't really sink in until he lands in Germany and finds himself standing next to a living legend.  
  
The Captain gives him this glance, offhand, like billionaires in high-tech suits of armour are something he sees every day (Tony later learns that this is his 'okay, filing this away until I can deal with it properly' look), and, swear to God, it's like the light goes sepia for a moment. It's like stepping into those old films, the ones his dad used to watch, where women have their hair in rolls on their head and have bold, black lips on silver faces.  
  
"Captain."  
  
He's glad Steve can't see his face. Tony's always had an awful poker face.  
  
Later, he marks the date on his calendar. _Stood next to Captain America_. And Howard said he'd never amount to anything.  
  
\---  
  
Sometimes Tony thinks he's the only one who realises how insane what they're doing is. He's certainly the only one who thinks it's cool. Okay, Romanoff and Barton are hard to read- Romanoff has, simultaneously, the most and least expressive face he's ever seen, expressions quick and subtle like changing breezes, and Barton just kind of rolls with things like a man who's seen far too much crazy stuff in his life. But Steve doesn't seem to be that bothered, either, and Banner is bothered, sure, but not about the Avengers. He's just trying to live day to day, even though now he doesn't really have to. Tony gets the feeling that for Thor being on a super hero team is actually a bit of a step down.  
  
But still, there's a moment when they're all sitting around the table, soldiers and spies and monsters and geniuses and gods, and Tony's heart gives a little flutter- the kind of feeling that, if he was asked about it later, he'd strenuously deny.  
  
They've done it. The Avengers are, as Steve so alliteratively puts it, Assembled. And an idea Fury pitched to him three or four years ago in the dark in Malibu has come to pass.  
  
"Something funny?" Bruce asks, quietly, seeing the gigantic grin spread across Tony's face.  
  
"This?" Tony sits back a little, indicates the spread of the table, Cap talking tactics with the other three. "Is really cool."  
  
"Of course it is." Bruce replies, sighing, and pinches his nose under his glasses.


End file.
